Communication Styles

People develop different styles of communication based on their life experiences.  It is important to understand how your communication style is interpreted by others to avoid miscommunication and misunderstandings.  The goal should always be to understand—not to be right.

There are four types of communication styles; Aggressive, Passive, Passive Aggressive, and Assertive.  Depending on the style you use to communicate, it will explain how you others perceive you and how you feel.

Aggressive communicators are those who honestly state their opinions, feelings, and wants with little or no concern for the rights of others.  Aggressive communicators can be seen as intimidating, demanding, and rude.  This type of communication style offends others and can lead to stress.

Aggressive communicators usually criticize, blame, or attack others and often speak in a loud, demanding, and overbearing voice.  The impact of these actions can alienate others and often lead to them blaming others instead of owning their own issues. 

Passive communicators are people who avoid expressing their opinions and/or feelings.  The goal of a passive communicator is to avoid conflict.  These individuals do not respond overtly to hurtful or anger-inducing situations.  Instead, they allow grievances and annoyances to mount, usually unaware of the build up.  But once they reach their high tolerance threshold for unacceptable behavior, they are prone to explosive outbursts which are often out of proportion to the triggering incident. 

Passive communicators usually fail to express their feelings, needs or opinions.  They often make up excuses and can exhibit poor eye contact.  After too long, they may suddenly explode.  Oftentimes, they may feel depressed because they feel stuck or hopeless as well as feel confused or conflicted because they have ignored their own feelings.

Passive aggressive communicators are people who do not express their ideas, opinions and feelings directly. They find more subtle ways to convey reactions and feelings, generally behaving in ways that demonstrate negative feelings.  They may deny their have a problem or subtly sabotage a situation as a way to get even.

Passive aggressive communicators often do not deal with the real issues at hand; instead they internalize their resentment and become alienated with those around them.  At the time, they agree with those around them, however, once the person is no longer around, they become aggressive and frustrated.

Assertive communicators are those who clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others.  They are people who are born of high self-esteem.  These individuals value themselves, their time and their emotional and physical needs.  They are strong advocates for themselves while being respectful of the rights of others.  “Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn others' respect. This can help with stress management, especially if you tend to take on too many responsibilities because you have a hard time saying no.”  (Mayo Clinic, 2014)

Assertive communicators are generally caring and honest individuals who make good eye contact and have a relaxed body posture which shows just how comfortable they are.  They make win-lose situations into win-win situations. 

No matter the type of communication style you portray, being aware of others style will enable you effectively understand them.  “Experience has shown that people who consider how they communicate will achieve their desired results faster than those who don't.” (Khosravi, 2012).  Oftentimes we speak to others and disregard the feelings of those around us.  By being aware of how they understand the information, it will allow successful communication.  It will help to eliminate miscommunication and misunderstandings.

Khosravi, H.  (2012). International Journal of Government Auditing. Washington: Retrieved from http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?did=2646190691

Mayo Clinic (2014).  Being assertive:  Reduce stress, communicate better.  Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644